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Talk:New Horizon! The Prologue/@comment-4080028-20160608045850/@comment-4080028-20160617083219
OK, so finally time for the review after getting around to reading the chapter. Have to admit, it took me as long as it had because I just couldn't make myself get through the opening narration the first time around. Just didn't "click" right with me. Felt a little too deep for an opening chapter in my opinion, especially one with a One Piece theme to it, whether it be New Horizon! or not. So because of that, I ended up delaying my reading of this chapter longer than I had liked. Aside from that though, I did thoroughly enjoy the chapter for what it was once we got into the plot and all. Though it confuses the absolute heck out of me why Nova wouldn't understand what freedom is. Like, is there something to some revised backstory of his that I didn't bother to look up? Just why in the world would a high ranking revolutionary not know the sensation of personal freedom without good reason? That confusion alone left me a little more disatisfied as I went on, I have to admit. Everything else seemed fine and the talk between Nova and Sato was well put too. Albeit when I got to "Little Light," as we both know her, overhearing their discussion, I had to raise my mental red flags and go, "wait, hold on! Pause the story! No!" Thing is, if she overheard the reasoning behind why Nova left, then why in the world would she be so hateful towards him?! Considering this is my character that I've come to know full well by now and how I want to take her character arc in the future, it just feels like everything I've set up for her got a bit cheapened. I'm not angry in the slightest mind you, just confused and a tad bit disappointed with how that turned out. If she knows Nova left her behind to protect her feelings, then wouldn't-? ...she...? ... Well, never mind all that. I'm keeping it there to show the processes of my mind as I went through this chapter. Makes my reactions feel more authentic, wouldn't you agree your lordship? Anyway, I just remembered she doesn't have the full story yet, so I guess it makes a bit more sense why she's hurt by Nova's departure. But still, I feel like a lot of the sting I wanted her to feel when she makes her big move (without spoiling too much for people who don't know who Little Light is) got taken away there. I had always intended for her to be full of hatred and anger by the time she debuts in my story, and through character development and interactions as well as going on journeys with her new companions, she'd start to heal in time. The typical angsty lone wolf/broken bird who learns the value of friendship, trust and love and all that kind of story, ya know? Just... I dunno how to feel about that particular scene now. I'm either too dumb to notice the obvious or it was more clever than I gave it credit for. Maybe both. But still, my issue with Little Light knowing how Nova left still feels like a lot of my plans have been altered in some way. Again, not angry, but definitely feeling a bit let down. Looking forward to seeing your response regarding this. >.< All in all though, the chapter as a whole felt off to me. I know you're going for something better than your previous works and I totally respect that. But knowing full well how your stories were written years ago and comparing them to this chapter, I feel like this particular prologue falls flat on its face in a massive way. If I had my choice, I'd have gone with the first rendition of Nova's departure from Baltigo as the Dawn Breakers are together and watch him leave, each with their own thoughts on the matter. That felt a lot more satisfying and entertaining to read. Now, I'm not saying this is absolute garbage either. I genuinely enjoy the amount of effort, care and hard work you put into what you add to this wiki. You're a true writer in every sense that way. Just that I can't see myself enjoying this prologue the way it is. The narration left me a bit bored and confused with its heavy symbolism (coming from THE GUY who abuses symbolism on this wiki. Figure that one out. o_0) Nova's new pursuit to understand freedom left me confused and broke my willing suspension of disbelief, and Little Light overhearing his last talk with Sato just left a bad taste in my mouth. That's really the only things troubling me. Everything else was fantastic as always my friend. And I ESPECIALLY love whatever you did to add those check boxes to the page like that. +_+ That's just a really cool little touch to the chapter that I enjoyed seeing. Though at the same time, it has me worried. If that was the selling point of this prologue for me, then what does that say about everything else? >_> Anyway, lengthy comment is finally done now. I have said what I said with complete and total honesty towards you because you're always super honest with us. With that said, nice work on your reboot, Ferno. Looking forward to a hopefully less bizarre chapter next time. :)